Are you afraid of rejection?

Rejection or fear of possible rejection is a very common theme in therapy. Most of us fear rejection in some way. 

The feeling of rejection can manifest itself in several ways; it can be in the form ofin a form of not getting the job you applied for, not being invited to an event with a group of friends, difficult communication with a parent, the Tinder date not contacting you again, afraid to ask someone on a date or going through a break-up, to name a few. 

It is a natural & healthy longing for us as human beings, to desire to be loved and valued for who we are. The feeling of being rejected is a painful feeling, and we often try to avoid pain as much as we can.

What I hear most often in therapy is that the person has fears about facing possible rejection. However, it is essential to work with your thoughts & feelings, else you can get stuck in an unhealthy situation. The fear associated with rejection is very common when it comes to relationships. Because often, we need to be vulnerable and admit that we have feelings for another person. Not so long ago, I was facing these feelings myself. After several hours of being anxious and worried due to these feelings, I concluded that the uncertainty is much worse than a possible rejection. This uncertainty cost me a lot of time and energy. That’s why I decided to confront the person, and even though I got my rejection, I felt way better afterward. Then I could at least move on. 

Being uncertain about whether your boss wants to give you the pay raise you want, or that someone you like wants a date with you or not, is often very stressful on its own. The uncertainty not only causes insecurity and anxiety but is also time-consuming and often takes a lot of unnecessary energy.

Then it is also worth asking, is the person really rejecting you, the real you? It takes time to get to know a person and it’s impossible to get to really know a person through a single date. Even though the date becomes more than one, many people often have a hard time being 100% themselves in the beginning. Therefore, don’t take it too personally if your date doesn’t write again or seems uninterested. 

Experiencing pain due to rejection is nevertheless a healthy response, but it can still affect our self-confidence. Then it is worth remembering that you are okay as you are. You are good enough. You decide for yourself how much power this has over you. Being able to talk about your feelings and be vulnerable is a part of personal development and healing. Everything uncomfortable and you confront loses its power and becomes a part of growth.

Picture by: Motoki Tonn

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